All The Things I’ve Done, That You Wouldn’t Have Let Me Do

Because I took my power back

Picture by author

Thanks to Lisa Martens for inspiring me to write this, after reading her piece on doing all the things she never got to do, which depicted our very similar stories of abuse. Also, for anyone who spent years in a controlling, abusive relationship, I highly recommend writing a list of sorts about what you finally got to do after leaving.

You robbed me of living my life, aggressively taking away my self agency. You dictated my every move, and put me in a mental cage to let me decay.

But the day I escaped was the first day I realized that not a single command or thought of yours mattered. Not anymore.

You didn’t let me do anything.

You didn’t let me be anything.

But now, I’ve done all the damn things. Here are the things that you didn’t let me do, that I have done.

I had friends. And my friends liked me.

I spoke to men and made eye contact, and became friends with them too.

I wore whatever I wanted, and instead of dressing like your male twin, I was free to dress in what I felt was attractive, feminine attire and felt like myself.