Thank you for this incredibly brave piece. I can relate and know this feeling. It is important to know we don’t owe anyone love, especially those who are so ill that they are incapable of loving us or interacting in ways that keeps us safe. When I became a mother and felt mothers guilt, I also wondered how that emotion was not present in my mother. It helped me to see that she was sick and incapable. Your mental health is priority, and I applaud you in your efforts to stabilize. Nothing anyone else does or doesn’t Do is your fault. Sending you love and light, and healing to fill the gaping mother void.